"Crises Questions Answered"
 
Although women have been attesting to the phenomena of the male mid-life crisis for years, psychologists—particularly those of the male gender-- have been just as adamant in denying its existence. But, according to the authors, Gay Courer and Pat Gaudette, the midlife crisis syndrome does exist.

While it doesn’t affect every man, the unfortunate men who do experience it bring unwanted and unrequited frustration and grief upon themselves and those who love them.

In their book, “How to Survive Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis”, the authors identify behaviors that indicate when a man is in the throes of re-examining his life. He may turn unpredictable by not wanting to do those traditional rituals always expected of him. Instead of the annual holiday visit to the relatives, he may decide that he would rather spend the time in Las Vegas with a couple of high school buddies! He may make statements that seem to contradict previous goals. For instance, he may decide that the house should be sold and a sailboat be purchased for year-around cruising---forget the job and the community, let’s cruise and be vagabonds. Maybe he decides to change his appearance by coloring his hair, loosing weight and exercising at the health club. The spouse may learn that her husband has traded in their perfectly good Buick sedan for a 2-seater red sports car. A man undergoing a midlife crisis may decide that the marriage and the kids were a mistake and he wants to separate himself from the burdens.

The crisis can begin when a man looks into a mirror or sees his reflection in a window. Instead of the 25-year old looking back, he sees a 50 or 55-year old who has no chance of returning to the helicon yesterdays. He sees himself trapped in meaningless relationships and a dead-end job. He believes that there is so much yet to do but time is running out. While gazing at the reflection of that old man, the midlifer may decide that he must abandon all to renew himself.

As a society, we judge the success of a man by his job, his wealth, and his social position. If a man isn’t measuring up to where he thinks he should be, he may become upset over the obstacles he believes are standing in his way. Family responsibilities may be one of those obstacles. He has kids to put through college, a mortgage to pay and a car that needs replacing. For him, time is running out and he must dodge the obstacles and ditch the responsibilities if he is going to have a fulfilling life. But, he can’t describe what it means to be fulfilled.

The authors counsel that the wife is in a no-win situation when it comes to dealing with a man who is experiencing a midlife crisis. How her husband deals with his crisis is beyond her control. The only person the wife can control is herself. The outcome will be the same, no matter what she does.

One of the authors, Pat Gaudette, has founded an Internet counseling/chat line to help women deal with their loved one’s midlife crisis. The website address is www. midlifewivesclub.com. Gaudette believes that only women who have dealt with a spouse’s/loved one’s crisis are capable of advising and counseling others on dealing with this life-changing crisis.

Other books on the topic include “A Woman’s Guide to Male Menopause” by Marc Rose, “Midlife Man” by Art Hester and “Male Menopause” by Jed Diamond.
Memorials to the Columbus Library Foundation include one from Colleen Willman in memory of Bob Hascall, father of Judy Tupper. Mr. and Mrs. Carroll Channer presented a donation in memory of Don Barr and Alice Moss gave a memorial in honor of Betty Rood.