Walking on Eggshells -relations between parents and their adult children

Parents try to raise their children to be independent and those fortunate parents who succeed should feel relieved, gratified, accomplished---whatever adjective signifies a job well done. But, staying close to those independent fledglings becomes more complicated and challenging than the act of raising them.

In the book, “Walking on Eggshells, Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents”, the author offers wisdom and advice on how to maintain that delicate life-long balance of staying close without falling apart.

Through the use of interviews with people from ages twenty-five to seventy, the author, Jane Isay, shows that in every culture and in every age, there exists a struggle between parents and their adult children. In many families, resentment builds and contact between parent and child lessens. For every bewildered mother who wonders why her children don’t call, there is a frustrated son or daughter who just wants to be treated like a grown-up. Loving and concerned parents walk on eggshells in this ever-evolving relationship with their adult children.

When does a casual and friendly telephone conversation become an inquisition for an offspring and/or spouse? When does a suggestion become unwanted advice? When is a show of interest interpreted as an intrusion? By using real-life examples and moving stories, the author offers insights into handling the most difficult of these situations. Generally, it is the parent who must adjust and the author discusses the techniques and accommodations that can be made to restore goodwill. As one of those interviewed succinctly stated it, “Keep your door open and your mouth shut!”

For many parents, the father seems to be able to handle the adult-to-adult relationship better than the mother. For a father, the adult relationship he had with his own father helps make the transition easier with his son. The mother, on the other hand, has a more difficult time adjusting to the uncharted relationships with her grown children, particularly if they are married. The mother expects some maternal prerogatives and is devastated when they are not forthcoming.

Although the book is directed to the parent, an adult child can find advice and anecdotal accounts to help him come to an understanding of his situation and how to deal with it. Isay’s warmth and wit shine through on every page as she provides a much-needed road map to this unexplored territory of family life.

The reader is reminded that the Library’s book sale begins this Thursday night at 6:00 PM. There is an entry fee of $5.00 on the first night. This fee is waved for members of the “Friends of the Library”. The book sale will continue on Friday from 10AM until 5:00 PM and on Saturday and Sunday from 1:30 PM until 5:00 PM. It’s not too late to clean out your bookcases and bring the unwanted books, videos,
and sound recordings to the Library. Those items not added to the collection will be sold at the book sale.

Recent memorials to the Library Foundation include those in memory of Ruth Warner from Mr. and Mrs. Donald Schaufelberger, Mr. and Mrs. Bart Bartholomew, Dr. and Mrs. Gerald Mancuso, Mr and Mrs. Robert Schively, Mr. and Mrs. William Reno and Mr. and Mrs, James Gordon. Donations were also received from Mr. and Mrs. Vernon Beckmann in honor of Raymond Boss and Kay Breg presented a memorial in honor of Mary Ellen Dowd.