Wedding Disasters

You can just count on it. Invariably, there’s a gaff or two in any wedding, no matter how much planning and rehearsal.

Fortunately, my wife and I are parents of two boys. Let me say upfront, we didn’t plan their weddings so we weren’t responsible for the problems or oversights. My wife took care of the pre-nuptials party by locating a restaurant and sending invitations. My role was to show up with a checkbook and enjoy the show.

When our older son and fiancée were married two years ago in a church on a hillside in San Francisco, it was to be a storybook wedding, or so we thought when we arrived at the church at four in the afternoon. A wedding planner had been hired and was calmly and officiously directing the progress of the wedding. The setting was at a gorgeous old wood and stone building—the home church of Jack London. The wedding planner escorted us to a waiting room in the back of the sanctuary and we made ourselves comfortable while we awaited the arrival of the bride and her entourage.

The hour of the wedding approached. The beautifully decorated sanctuary was nearly filled with relatives and friends. My son, the best man, the groomsmen, and the minister made their appearance at the front of the sanctuary. But the limousine carrying the bridal party had not yet arrived.

The wedding planner, who had lost some of her composure, was now pacing back and forth in her high-heeled shoes at the front steps of the church. She was scouting for the limousine. Ten minutes or so into the wait, my son phoned the bride and learned that the driver had lost his way and was on a traffic-congested freeway heading to points south. An announcement was made and we all settled in for a wait. In the meanwhile, the organist who had already played through the first set of songs began the set all over again. Finally, forty-five minutes later, much to everyone’s relief—particularly the organist—the bride arrived and the guests, who by this time were milling around the sanctuary, took their places.

The ceremony began and continued in storybook fashion until the time came for the bride to present her ring to the groom. The best man stooped to take the ring from the pillow carried by the ring bearer. The ring couldn’t be dislodged from the pillow. Earlier, as the bridal party were rushing to exit the limousine in front of the church, the ring, which the young bearer had been fussing with, dropped from the pillow and rolled down the street. A fast-footed bridesmaid caught up with the fleeing ring and stepped on it just before it found its way to the gutter drain. As a preventative measure, the ring was knotted to the pillow. Thereby the problem. In desperation, best man took the pillow and, putting it under his arm, he began yanking on the ring. But to no avail. Fortunately, after a few more disconcerting moments, a groomsman used his penknife to free the ring and the wedding ceremony proceeded to its conclusion.

A year later, when our younger son was married, the only gaff in that lovely but breezy garden wedding was when the couple tried to light the “unity candle” with their candles which represented the two families. It didn’t light. To add to the distress of the situation, the bride’s grandmother, who was seated in a wheelchair close to a microphone began commenting and muttering to the assemblage about the struggle the newlyweds were having with the candle. To save the bride and groom and the grandmother’s family any further embarrassment, the minister stepped up to the candle and lighted it with his cigarette lighter.

I ask you, “Are there really “story book” weddings?” I haven’t been to one yet.

But, just in case you may wish to plan a beautiful, serene, and blessed wedding, the library has a large number of books on the topic. Come in and check out some of those books which are in the 395 area of the collection. Trautwein may be contacted at traut@columbusne.us.