Friendships

While it’s only 218 pages long and the print is relatively large, the book, “Vital Friends, The People You Can’t Afford to Live Without” is the culmination of a large study done by the Gallup Organization. The author, Tom Rath, is the co-author of “How full Is Your Bucket?” He and several other researchers analyzed more than 8 million interviews from around the world and from one ethnic group to another. He reviewed the respondents’ ratings and comments regarding friendships between the young, the old, male to male, female to female, male to female and mentor to younger person.

The reader will find Rath’s writing conversational and engaging. His study challenges the assumptions people have about their close relationships with others. According to the author, there is an energy that is created between friends—whether in marriage, between siblings, at work, or in teams and organizations. This energy is nourished by the persons and it, in turn, enriches their respective lives.

Friendship is vital for life. Rath cites a 2001 study by Duke University Medical Center of patients with heart disease. It was discovered that patients with fewer than four friends were more than twice as likely to die than those with a greater number of friends.

In marriages, a spouse’s satisfaction with life is dependent on the happiness of the mate. “As in any close relationship, one person’s happiness or misery spreads to the other person quickly.”

On the job, an employee who has a “best” co-worker friend works harder, enjoys what he’s doing, practices safety, is more innovative, and feels appreciated. Actually those who can list three close friends at work report that they were very satisfied with their lives. Unfortunately, the study indicated that just 30% of those employed had a best friend at work.

According to the author, you must always be investing in friendships—both new and old ones--in the workplace and in your personal life. Many friendships, like flower blossoms, reach a zenith in color and fragrance and then fade. Some friendships can continually be nourished and remain vibrant but others come to their natural ending. Rath believes that every person should have an array of friends with different strengths and values. A happy life includes many friends.

A Christmas card and letter my wife and I received this past week from some friends of years ago included a handwritten sentence: “We are so blessed to have had the two of you in our lives.” That’s a pretty good summary of the book, “Vital Friends…”

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